What really to expect when your Expecting

Is this thing on...OK here I go. This is my first post and I am very excited to finally do something on the Internet besides looking at sports and jobs.

First, a big thank you to my sister-in-law Cara. I can't match your wit and storytelling, but I will do my best with dumb humor and a large dose of corny.

If you have heard this story, sorry. I had to get it written down so when Addison looks back she will know her mommy and daddy had a hell of a time bringing her into this world.

A couple of years ago Jenny bought a book for expecting parents called, "What to Expect When Your Expecting." Every expecting parent has a copy I think. The book talks about what is happening at different stages throughout the pregnancy. Funny book. Lots of laughs and excitement recognizing that what was happening to us was kinda normal. Almost every week and month it was accurate. The only oddity was Jenny had way more morning sickness than the book talked about. About 7 months of morning sickness that poked it's crappy head up throughout the day.

D-Day

The Monday after Mother's Day 2008, Jenny was having another tough day. Very uncomfortable with the baby visibly kicking her. She wasn't due for another week and this constant kicking had become the norm. In our room the bags were packed, as they had been for a week, and everyone knew what they were suppose to do when the big moment arrived.

It was getting late so we went up to bed. I was exhausted and fell asleep fast. Jenn kept tossing and turning until she finally woke me up. She asked me to move next to her and rub her stomach, thinking that might calm the baby down. I agreed because you better do what your wife asks when she is 81/2 months pregnant. I was rubbing for about 20 minutes. And then it happened..without a "hey Ken watch out" or "you may want to move away now" nothing from Jenny. I must have stimulated something because she starts peeing all over my stomach and legs. I yell a series of expletives her way and I tell her to stop peeing on me. Between breathing and laughing, which by the way only pushes it out faster, she informs me that her water is breaking. Our bed is soaked and now I look like Bill Murray from Ghostbusters. There is no cut off switch for this thing. Jenn is continuing to crack up as she stands up to continues the waterfall. Bad enough, I know. To put the cherry on top of this scene, Cole comes sprinting into the room yelling, "I got the bags! Everything is going to be OK! Remain calm!" I am in bed slimed, my wife is naked with water splashing everywhere, Cole is sweating with bags, keys and phones in his hand, and Nelly is now licking the floor. All I could think was this was not how the book described this moment.

True story.